Daily Project

Good evening lovely people.

I have decided not to post on here daily, my daily posts will be on my instagram. I may post a roundup at some point in the week, perhaps on a Sunday. I am yet undecided.

Here are my daily posts so far 🙂

 

Sweet Dreams Grandad

On Sunday 30th April my Grandad passed away. He was 99 years young and died surrounded by those that love him more than anything else in the world. We have cared for my Grandad at home for the past 9 years, and the empty seat on the sofa feels strange to say the least. He was fiercely independent and died with the same dignity and pride he always had. Although I feel intense sadness and a lack of interest in most things, I know this feeling will pass.

I am taking inspiration from one of my favourite blogs, Tammy Strobel’s Rowdy Kittens and will be starting a daily photographic project to give me something to focus on and aim for over the coming weeks – to help come to terms with this grief and regain an interest in one of my loves, photography.

Please see my next post for my first day of this new and exciting project.

Lots of love, Al. xx

Wonderful Wednesday #3

I can’t believe it has already been a week since my last Wonderful Wednesday post, I can’t work out if it has flown by or dragged. Either way here we are. I have a day off work today because I worked the Bank Holiday Weekend (yay there’s another one coming up) and have had a pleasant day with mumsie, going into town and having lunch.  Although I enjoy my job when you have a day off, particularly mid week the exhaustion seems to hit, so I am a little tired and enjoying sitting by the radiator with my laptop and a cup of tea.

eBay  I’m normally too lazy to put things on eBay, I just think ‘ is it worth it?’ – well yes, actually, it is! So far I have made £26 and have a bid of £27 on an item yet to end, plus a couple of other items with no bids so far. Either way it feels good to be recycling my items to a home where they will be enjoyed, and getting a little extra money in the bank is never a bad thing.

Loungewear   for some reason I have always loved loungewear. Today on my visit to town I finally found the Uniqlo lounge set I have been coveting in my size. I kept checking their website but with no luck. . It looks like my normal jeans and striped tee outfit, but a little slouchier. Perfect for lazy days but I can still pop to the shops in it. Hooray!

Oat milk   I have been trying to cut down on my dairy for a while now, especially since watching the BBC film ‘Carnage’ by Simon Amstell. I’m not quite there but have switched my milk from cow’s milk to oat milk. Oat milk is super tasty and bizarrely adds a slightly nutty flavour to tea. In future I will be making my own oat milk to save money and cartons.

Gregg Wallace   I’m behind on Masterchef so no spoilers! I am loving Masterchef, particularly Gregg’s incredible facial expressions and comments to the contestants. He is so nice and friendly compared to John Torode. Watching Masterchef really makes me want to get into cooking, I have no idea what I would make them if I were to try now.

p.s my favourite Gregg Wallace comment on Masterchef to far has got to be him exclaiming “I love Beef Wellington”

 

 

 

 

Monday Musings #2

Hello my lovely! I hope you woke up today, wherever you are, and the sun was shining, and you felt ready for the week ahead… Maybe that’s a little optimistic, but I do hope your Monday wasn’t too stressful, at the very least.

I am currently sitting in a slouchy armchair in my parents kitchen, waiting for some tatoes to boil so I can crack on with the rest of dinner. Today was quite a productive day at work – no I didn’t conquer the world, but I did get lots of little bits and pieces done, that I normally wouldn’t have time or the resources for. A stress free start to the week, so good stuff there.

Productive Weekend

Over the weekend I went through all the boxes under the bed, put some bits on eBay and organised the remaining clothes/cameras etc.

I found and unused sketchbook under the bed and spent most of Saturday night drawing. I always forget how much I love drawing until I start again, and I can’t believe I wasted so much time not doing it!

Since starting work I have fallen into a bad habit of getting into pj’s (no problems there) and sitting on Netflix or iPlayer rather than doing something productive. I’m now going to make a conscious effort to draw every day, even if it’s just for 20 minutes. That still leaves plenty of time for TV, dinner and other bits and bobs.

The Week Ahead

After a few hectic weeks at work, and not feeling too well I finally feel in control of my work schedule. I bought a storage.it weekly planner and I feel so much more in control of scheduling my time and different meetings and activities at work. It’s truly a great diary – particularly the added bonus of a pocket for extra bits and pieces. It’s amazing how planning your work day in advance can clear your mind of added stress and disorganisation.

This Weekend

I am really looking forward to this weekend. Mr’s exams will be over, and we will be having dinner Thursday, then out for drinks with friends on Friday. I feel like we can finally make plans and perhaps book a holiday – at the moment we are thinking of going to a few places in Germany including the Black Forest (hello dreamy landscapes)

Want/Need

I’ve become really good with telling myself ‘I don’t need that’ when I see something I like in shops or online. Even if I’m waiting in a queue to buy something, I have frequently left because I realised I don’t need something and it will be a waste of money. However I have been thinking of buying a new phone. The phone I have at the moment is a cheap smartphone, as in, less than £100 cheap. The storage is bad and the camera is even worse. I’m considering buying a Samsung phone, which I know I always like. However instead of just rushing out to buy it because I have the money, I’m going to purposefully save the cash over a few weeks and see if I want to spend the physical cash when I have it.

 

Anyways, i’m off to do some drawing before bed. Have a great week.

Al. xx

 

 

Sketchbook Doodles

I’ve picked up my sketchbook again. It’s been a good few months since my creative juices have been flowing, and it feels so good. I’m a little rusty, but find drawing so therapeutic, so will definitely be drawing daily, and will hopefully improve and be up to scratch much quicker

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Here’s to finding your happy 🙂

I hope you have all had a lovely weekend, have  a good nights sleep and a productive week

Al . xx

Instagram

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Positive Instagram Roundup:

Baby Goat: It’s safe to say spring is in full swing at Stepney City Farm. Over the past couple of weeks the baby goats have doubled in size, and baby lambs have been born. I never realised how much I love goats, they are so cheeky!

Phoebe Cat: As I have said before Phoebe is part feral and affection is very much on her own terms. Sometimes we will be having a cuddle and she will become on edge, decide she has had enough and swipe. This week she took it upon herself to sit on my stomach and do flirty eyes at me! Very privileged, very stuck!

Foam Hair Dye: A few weeks ago I bleached the ends of my hair, just for a change. I liked it at first but the condition of my hair was rubbish and I didn’t like the way it looked. I decided to dye it using a John Freida Foam Dye in ‘Dark Chocolate Brown’. I’m so pleased with the results and how much healthier my hair looks.

Organic Vegetables: We have recently had an organic vegetable box delivered weekly. As a veggie this is the biggest treat for me. Just look at that Broccoli!

Snapshots of nature: I love long walks in the countryside, particularly when I’m on Holiday. I can’t wait to book a long walking holiday and take more photographs of the stunning landscapes. Next weekend Drew will be free from exams and we can get back into our weekend to do list.

Feel free to link to your Instagram in the comments below. I recently took a fairly prolonged hiatus from Instagram, I am forever deleting the app and re-uploading it and am fully back onto it now!

A Snapshot of Anxiety

It was 22.45pm and I was lying in bed with my other half listening to a full body scan meditation video, everything was quiet and my body was starting to relax and my mind fall asleep. I must have been half asleep when I realized the video had stopped and I could put my phone on the side. At that point a random, irrational and pointless thought entered my head…. I went into a panick attack. The words were spinning in my head, like 1000 webpages had opened on the browser  in my mind, all spam, and ad blocker seems to have stopped working. As I try to shut them all down the browser in my mind crashes and sends me into a spin. I can’t shake the thoughts and go into a vicious cycle of ruminating and trying to calm down – all making me feel worse.

I know D isn’t asleep yet so I ask if I can have a cuddle because I’m not feeling well. I say I’m having another panick attack so he cuddles me and holds my hand. Tears roll down my cheek as I say I just can’t switch my mind off. He says he can’t either. I know his thoughts are about work and his masters, mine are nonsense, but trying to filter my thoughts can sometimes feel impossible.

The thought that I have to travel over an hour into work tomorrow adds to the anxiety. What if my anxiety gets bad again and I feel like I can’t carry on working? Now i’m shaking as well as crying along with my racing heart.

It’s now 7.32 in the morning and I’m drinking a tea before I get ready for work. I’m feeling calmer, and the thoughts seem to have left me for now. I think I need to check in on my anxiety more frequently to regulate how I’m feeling and reduce the panick attacks again. I’m going to call the GP today and ask for a telephone appointment. My mental health is just as important as my physical health and if I have to take a morning off work to see a GP about more beta blockers I will. I didn’t want to take the time off, but as I say to my service users – your health comes first – I should take my own advice sometimes.

-This blog post hardly covers the physical and mental effects of anxiety, but just one short encounter with a panick attack. I have experienced anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have had CBT and other than this attack am in a good place at the moment. If this post resonates with you, please do comment below and follow me for more updates, stay well and remain positive –